I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
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