what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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