so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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