you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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