I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize