if you like me you must not know who I am
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
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He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
It was like giving head to a cactus.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
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I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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