I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
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Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
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If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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