Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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