i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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