She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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