She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
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Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
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you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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