All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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