Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize