I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
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just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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