A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
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I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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