He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize