it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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