I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
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ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
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Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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