please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
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Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
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