Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
My hand turned me down
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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