My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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