I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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