Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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