Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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