Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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