The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize