his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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