'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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