well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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