oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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