i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
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oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
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Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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