you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
