Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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