I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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