Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Even the bartender felt bad for me
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He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
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apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize