my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I am one with the molecules
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
