Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
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