you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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