Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
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