____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
tell me about the eggs
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