found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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