i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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