i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
