Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
