today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
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No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
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I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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