Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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