I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize