So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
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In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
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YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
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