My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize