woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize