dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
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