would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
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this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
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Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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